By Melissa Lindley

Derrick Branch sits at a wooden table in a small room in the back of the Trenton Area Soup Kitchen (TASK) cafeteria. The table is lightly stained with ink and paint and covered with craft supplies and half eaten snacks.

He’s going on 51, and his grey skullcap and faded Mets hoodie enhance the specks of white that have peppered his black hair and beard. Even with his signs of age, he flashes a boyish grin and proudly clutches a portrait of a brown and yellow lion that was just painted the day before on that very same table.

“I didn’t look at no picture or nothin’,” he said. “I just remember how a lion looks. My hands was guided by an inner source.”

Branch is one of many artists that have benefitted from the soup kitchen’s Trenton Community A-TEAM (TCAT), an arts program that was founded in 2009. Open to the public, the program offers the local community a chance to compose their own music, poetry, screenplays and writing. The program also offers the opportunity to create original artwork, such as paintings and drawings, in order to provide a creative outlet for those living in poverty or low-income neighborhoods. He participates heavily in the latter, writing poetry, rapping and painting.

Branch was born in 1963 and raised in North Trenton, just a block short of the soup kitchen’s current location. The youngest of ten children, he often struggled to stay afloat amongst his many siblings and the lack of attention from his parents. The lack of stability at home left him grappling with the ability to find an identity, especially during the racial tension he experienced as an African American male.  He felt a need to categorize himself in some way.

“I knew I was called a colored boy. I even found out they called me mixed black,” said Branch. “A colored boy had ancestors from Africa, maybe some Native American. Up until I was about nine years old, someone decided to call us black. I’m black and I’m proud. I was like a beatnik from birth. I ain’t goin’ along with the establishment. I got my own thoughts.”

He also struggled with severe acne during his adolescent years, leaving his face scarred and making him selfconscious. He soon withdrew from others, becoming antisocial and disassociating himself from both romantic and platonic relationships.

During this time, however, he began to show the signs of early childhood schizophrenia and began to suffer from delusions. Unable to be properly treated and uneducated about mental illness, he was not aware that his delusions were unusual or harmful, and attributed them to an overactive imagination. He began to use his budding artistic skills to try to purge his delusions.

Art had always played a significant role in Branch’s life. As he struggled with his identity and his mental illness, drawing became a way for Branch to escape and also bond with his large family. He and his brothers would sketch together and read comic books, and Branch looked to his siblings and mother for inspiration. His mother was also an avid storyteller, which enamored Branch and encouraged him to write stories of his own and to portray them in his drawings.

“We always worked as a team,” said Branch. “Nowadays, kids don’t get together with their brothers and sisters. We would have a certain time of day when we were bored, and the next thing we’d know, we’d be sitting around the table and drawing.”

Branch’s favorite artists growing up were cartoonists like Charles Schultz and Stan Lee. As he got older, Branch was inspired by photographs in Playboy magazine. He appreciated the simplicity in cartoons and the explicit detail that he could learn to draw from the photographs.

His efforts, however, went largely unnoticed. He did not receive any outside support or praise for his work, and felt that he was overlooked and rejected. Even though he spent time with his family, much of the attention went to his siblings.

“Nobody believed nothin’,” said Branch. “If I didn’t have my name on the picture, they said, ‘Oh, you didn’t draw that.’  Everyone had done it already, so they focused on them. I thought I was just as good as anybody. But I just couldn’t fit in.”

His problems at home, along with his insecurities and mental illness, led to poor academic performance and eventually an expulsion from high school. Depressed, suicidal and unsure of his future, Branch enlisted in the Army National Guard with hopes of turning his life around. During his service, Branch was exposed to the drug culture amongst his fellow soldiers. After being discharged, he began using drugs heavily.

He became a heavy user of Phencyclidine (PCP), a dissociative drug and hallucinogen that can trigger psychosis and mental illness in individuals who are predisposed. Branch’s underlying schizophrenia was exacerbated by the drug use, and he experienced constant hallucinations and disturbing thoughts that led him to numerous hospitalizations, and lost relationships and jobs.

As Branch wrestled with his mental illness, he created an invisible friend named Lizair. He began drawing her around the age of 13, and she became a replacement for his friendships and real life romantic relationships with women. This also became a defining moment of his artistry.

She went from being a figment of his delusions to a muse for all of his drawings and paintings, appearing in images and being the subject for many of his portraits. His thoughts, fantasies and desires became colors on a canvas as he fought to draw the line between the illusion and reality. At one point, Branch burned one of his portraits with the hopes that Lizair would come to life and marry him.

“I wanted that affection even though it was misplaced and misguided. I needed that. It was much deeper, but that was my biggest battle,” said Branch. “I had a whole scenario of how she came to be. I used to go to that fantasy a lot.”

He returned to Trenton and was hospitalized after a particularly bad episode while living in Detroit, Michigan, where he became convinced that Lizair was following him and wanting to cause him harm.

During his hospitalization, Branch had trouble connecting with his art and did not draw or write for four years. He entered a behavioral and rehabilitation program after his release, and resumed his artwork, performing spoken word and participating in local poetry slams as a way to share his experiences. His poetry elicited a positive response from the audiences he performed for, and he chose to look for other places where he could continue performing and recovering.

Branch was drawn to the Trenton Area Soup Kitchen (TASK) while he was trying to maintain sobriety. At the time, he had not necessarily needed to use the program’s services, and would show up periodically out of curiosity. Branch returned one day during a period of relapse to get a meal, and noticed various paintings on the walls that had been drawn by other patrons. He then learned about the budding community of writers and artists that had formed.

“A white haired lady came out and was hanging pictures on the wall,” explained Branch. “I asked her who drew the pictures, and she said one of the people that comes here. She said, ‘We have a thing called the A-Team. Would you like to come and see?’”

One day, Branch encountered a few friends of his who were writing in a back room, and asked a staff member if it could become a regular place for them to write and meet. He was unaware that he was about to be the start of something that would become a huge part of the community.

 

Shortly thereafter, he formed a band called The Vast I Am, which consisted of several others that he met through the program. They performed locally in Trenton and other parts of central New Jersey.

Branch credits his schizophrenia for giving him a unique and creative ability to draw and write effortlessly. He channels his past and the lingering effects of his illness into his paintings, recalling the detail he would put into drawing Lizair.

“If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have the technique that I have today,” explained Branch. “I always wanted to perfect her. It gave me the desire to have perspective on my work. I have seen drawings that have perspective and they’re more attractive and appealing. I wanted her to be all that.”

Along with his writing and music, Branch has rekindled his love of drawing and painting, and has made up for the lapse of creativity that he encountered while hospitalized. Much of his former art was destroyed during a psychotic episode, and he now works to create pieces that contain positive  themes and imagery. He comes to the soup kitchen every week to work on his projects, practice, perform and socialize.

Branch has also made for himself many loving and supportive friendships through his work at the soup kitchen. After spending most of his life seeking out the love and affection he longed for as a child, it appears that Branch has finally found that through TCAT. He has received endless encouragement from the community there, and has been inspired by the people he has met from all walks of life.

“The support was awesome,” said Branch. “Why couldn’t I get this from my family or people around me?”

Branch has also made his artistry a small career, making him less reliant on others for money. His band has received exposure from performing in local bars, and he has turned a profit from selling his paintings. For the first time, Branch feels like he has finally found his place through the program’s opportunities. He wants to give back and inspire others, just as they had done for him.

“I value the experience I have with people, and if I can help someone out with my experiences, the greater the value,” Branch said.

Branch compares himself and his life experiences to how the rest of New Jersey views Trenton negatively, neglecting its rich history and culture. He once found it difficult to view his own hometown and history in a positive light, but soon began to seek out its positive attributes by overlooking the stigmas of the city and his illness. He wants others to shift their negative perceptions and find beauty wherever they can, just as he did through TCAT and his art.

“Life is bigger than it seems. If you focus on negative things, it can drain your mind completely and you can’t see nothin’ but negativity,” Branch stressed. “But if you think positively, you train your mind to focus on the positive side and you see wondrous things.”